MY MUSE
I'm right here in the thick of it
Somehow still not letting go
Something about this feels so familiar
So haunting and cold
She calls me like a siren
Seeping into my nightmares
She is comfort and beauty
And I am scared
But if she leaves, am I anything?
I need to sort out my priorities
Quit avoiding what I know
There is power in recovery
Even if you get there slow
But if I'm healthy, am I still me?
Oh, is it rational to nurture my ghost
Spinning around in my head
When I'm depressed I know me best
She's in every bit of my soul
When I'm around her I feel more grounded
My mental illness is my muse
I write poetry about her
How she moves me close to tears
The feedback is amazing
It's the best I've done in years
So if she leaves, am I anything?
Oh, is it rational to nurture my ghost
Spinning around in my head
When I'm depressed I know me best
She's in every bit of my soul
When I'm around her I feel more grounded
My mental illness is my muse
But if she leaves, am I anything?
___________________________________________________
GODDESS
Thought I’d gone through the list in my head of the things that I did wrong
If I could just pinpoint the time and the place
Maybe that would erase all the fucked up things you said
I convinced every memory of us your intentions were good
Imagined a world in which they were
Maybe that would explain why I feel like I missed out
[Pre-Chorus]
You got the better of me
I lost the best of me
But you were worse for me
[Chorus]
I am a Goddess
I deserve flawless
Not someone heartless
Who can’t make time
I am a Goddess
I’ll work my hardest
Find the right partner
And if not I’m fine
No I don’t mind
When you left, I relapsed in my room empty bottles on the floor
Then awoke the next morning and forgot
Only just for a moment how you broke my fucking heart
I regret that a person like you could make me feel so weak
I intend not to make that mistake again
I will find my strength
[Pre-Chorus]
[Chorus]
Don’t need nobody
To be somebody
[Chorus]
___________________________________________________
FREE FALL
There goes her body
She moves like a mystery
I know she sees me
but she is only making time for him
I got a feeling
she knows what I’m thinking
but I’ll just keep drinking
cause she can’t keep her hands off of him
And when he leaves first
how could he leave her
cause every imperfect
thing about her makes her who she is
I’ll still be here though
I’ll take it real slow
Don’t have to be more
Than whatever we decide this is
[Chorus]
This is exciting
This is new
This is a moment in time made for me and you
We are an encore
We are unresolved
We are the moment right before the free fall
She’s got such soft lips
No don’t get me started
It keeps getting harder
to pretend like there’s nothing going on
But with each little touch
I hope it’s just enough
To call this some kind of love
And take a chance to see what’s going on
[Chorus]
There goes her body
She moves like a mystery
I know she sees me
___________________________________________________
GRIEVING
I've been fighting against it
I feel the seasons changing
Isn't this what I always wanted
To get out of the dark days
I'm not allowed to miss this
My work can't be for nothing
Is it okay to feel this way
or should I be ashamed
[Chorus]
There's something about it
There's something about it I'm grieving
There's something about it
There's something about it I'm grieving
The damage was serious
But it was still familiar
Am I the only one who finds
Comfort in pain
[Chorus]
When you're in that place
Feeling everything at once
Don't let it go to waste
Even good things lose their taste
[Chorus]
___________________________________________________
PATIENCE
Comfy at the bottom slowly clawing my way up
Thought I was the problem but I’m learning life really is just that rough
We exist for the fight, we take risks just to thrive
We are frozen and in motion at the same time
The sun is like a compass but I’m drowning in it
I feel her pulling me upwards still I’m trying to resist
Take your time, take your time
Take your time, take your time
Energy flowing through my body, she’s the goddess in me
Lights up my insides, she is flawed and still free
She exists beyond time, only wishes for kindness
I am ahead of the game and also behind
Take your time, take your time
Recovery is never a straight line
Take your time, take your time
A little patience just might save your life
We can be so much stronger
This universe is bigger than we ever dreamed
We can be so much stronger
This universe is bigger than we ever dreamed
(Goldie)
They say patience is a virtue but time can be a blur too
Can't move forward in your healing if you worry about who hurt you
Strength can come from weakness don't let manipulation serve you
Or a friend hating on your straight path who just can't wait to curb you
Find your purpose
This earth is deteriorating from procrastination
People will kill your spirit if you let em that's assassination
My time is coming baby for the first time I'm glad I'm waiting
I'm an artist in love with my craft, I never lack creation so
Take your time I took my life and made it mine
When I’m looking for diamonds I buy 2s and make em mine
Manifest Imma say it again, manifest what's yours
Whether you painting your next image or going on your next tour
Take your time
___________________________________________________
HOW CAN I
(They say) At the end of the day we are so much smaller
So how do I feel bigger
(They say) Ain't the time or place for all these questions
Why can't you just make it on your own
(They say) All you need is you in the room when it's time to prove you're
In it for the long haul and I say
All you need is you in the room to break through
[Chorus]
(They say) How can you possibly love somebody else until you love yourself
But how can I, how can I, how can I, how can I, how can I, how can I
(They say) How can you possibly love somebody else until you love yourself
So how can I, how can I, how can I, how can I, how can I, how can I
(They say) It takes more than a day to break a habit
So how do I do it
(They say) If you just meditate you'll find peace and quiet
But my mind just won't shut up for a while
(They say) To be the best version of the person beneath the surface
You gotta have a little faith
That the best version of that person can break through
[Chorus]
I will remake myself, I will ask for your help
I will find you, I will find you
I will crawl inside my mind, I will get there with some time
I will find you, I will find you
[Chorus]
___________________________________________________
FAKE IT
Never thought I would go that far
Got doubt inside of this body
One identity crisis after another
Call it a lack of self-love
Too much childhood trauma
Am I really fucked up or can I blame it on my mother
[Pre-Chorus]
Hard to make a living
When you don't believe you
deserve to be alive
Easier make believing
You're someone else to stay alive
[Chorus]
Fake it
Till you make it happen
Take this life into your own hands
This could be your one chance
Fake it till you make it
Fake it - you just might make it (x2)
This may sound like bad advice
But I checked it with my therapist twice
Sometimes the trick to life is doing it regardless
So go ‘ head get it now
Let us quit talkin’ bout it
The truth is if you fail, it will be harmless
[Pre-Chorus]
[Chorus]
___________________________________________________
MY BODY
Always going through phases
A bit self deprecating
Is this a love song or a crusade?
Am I a sinner or am I a saint?
They say to be holy
You must be devoted
I am standing out on this ledge
Everyday I choose forgive or forget
Some days I just can’t love myself
That doesn’t change that I am amazing
[Chorus]
My body is my body
Won’t listen to no one else
When they shame, try to tame me
They’re the ones who need help
My body is my body
It’s my choice if I change it or don’t cause it’s
My body, my body, my body
I wish I was thankful
For the years that I hated
All the stretch marks and scars, little fat on my arm
I was always frustrated
Oh I didn’t see it then
Always thought it was the end
Any bit out of place, thought I was a waste of space
But I’m amazing, I’m amazing
[Chorus]
My body (my body)
My body (my body)
___________________________________________________
A bit self deprecating
Is this a love song or a crusade?
Am I a sinner or am I a saint?
They say to be holy
You must be devoted
I am standing out on this ledge
Everyday I choose forgive or forget
Some days I just can’t love myself
That doesn’t change that I am amazing
[Chorus]
My body is my body
Won’t listen to no one else
When they shame, try to tame me
They’re the ones who need help
My body is my body
It’s my choice if I change it or don’t cause it’s
My body, my body, my body
I wish I was thankful
For the years that I hated
All the stretch marks and scars, little fat on my arm
I was always frustrated
Oh I didn’t see it then
Always thought it was the end
Any bit out of place, thought I was a waste of space
But I’m amazing, I’m amazing
[Chorus]
My body (my body)
My body (my body)
___________________________________________________
FORWARD
If you had asked me then
I thought it was the end
Slow motion flashing through the moments that lead me there
It seemed like the perfect time
Cause I was just so tired
And then I took a beat
Remembered just to breathe
One minute makes the difference, in stillness and progress
You've been here before
Remember to ask yourself
[Chorus]
Are you better off?
Than a year ago
Now or never love
Go forward
Are you better off?
Than a year ago
Now or never love, now or never love
I'm in my twenties now
Been making jokes about
The way old age is always drawing closer
Keeps on moving faster
Can we slow it down
Cause I don't think I'm ready
This is getting too heavy
Fight or flight response is telling me to give up
But I've been here before
Remember to ask myself
[Chorus]
You are better off
Than a year ago
Now or never love
Go forward
You are better off
Than a year ago
Now or never love, now or never love
Go forward
___________________________________________________
I thought it was the end
Slow motion flashing through the moments that lead me there
It seemed like the perfect time
Cause I was just so tired
And then I took a beat
Remembered just to breathe
One minute makes the difference, in stillness and progress
You've been here before
Remember to ask yourself
[Chorus]
Are you better off?
Than a year ago
Now or never love
Go forward
Are you better off?
Than a year ago
Now or never love, now or never love
I'm in my twenties now
Been making jokes about
The way old age is always drawing closer
Keeps on moving faster
Can we slow it down
Cause I don't think I'm ready
This is getting too heavy
Fight or flight response is telling me to give up
But I've been here before
Remember to ask myself
[Chorus]
You are better off
Than a year ago
Now or never love
Go forward
You are better off
Than a year ago
Now or never love, now or never love
Go forward
___________________________________________________
(LET YOU) DOWN
Getting stuck between
The obvious uncertainty
Knowing what I want, but this goes way beyond, can we just be honest please?
It’s not always black and white
Heard it takes some time
To reach an understanding, just because we’re family, I don’t have to stand your lies
[Chorus]
You don’t get it
You don’t get it
I don’t wanna let you down
I don’t wanna let you down
Why don't you get it
Why don't you get it
I don’t wanna let you down
I don’t wanna, I don't wanna
I don't wanna let you down
I don't wanna let you down
Around you I’ll revolve
Till eventually I fall apart
Little old me, keep calling me free, it’s making me weak not strong
You convince me I am wrong
Seem to just shake it off
You can’t even see, you’re making me concede, (it) doesn’t matter what my feelings are
[Chorus](x2)
___________________________________________________
LOVELY
Take a step down sir
Stop talking so loudly
You've had you time and
taken up mine now
you see the stone crumbling
Pedestal falling
You're nobodies idol
Do you get it yet?
You preach of your honor
Where the fuck is it on ya
When you hit the ground see
it's harder at the bottom
We crawl our way up
Building in spite
of everyone
Can we get there yet?
[Chorus]
I am not your little lady
I am so much more than lovely
Fear me, hate me, call me crazy
You won't break me
(x2)
We keep moving forward
It's coming in waves now
You call it progress
Then proceed to oppress
You question our motives
Try to make us lose focus
of what the real goal is
Is it our time yet?
[Chorus]
___________________________________________________
GRAY AGAIN
The doctor perscribed me, what he described was a calculated algorithm determining which kind of crazy
I happened to be but never did he say that every pill would slightly chill this fire burning deep down inside me
I trusted his judgment, accepted the punishment for crimes against society please someone come cure me
The doctor reminds me, we're running low on time we need to reach a good conclusion
[Chorus]
Give me my medicine
Turn the blues gray again
Give me my medicine
Turn the blues gray again
Gray again
Well after some time I still wanted to die, he encouraged me to find religion, said faith leads to true salvation
So I prayed to his God and I lied about progress while slowly sinking underneath the waves crashing down around me
I felt myself fading, the treatment deflating, smile he is saving me there is nothing better
The doctor reminds me, we're running low on time we need to reach a good conclusion
[Chorus]
___________________________________________________
INDIGO
Uncover me
there's miles beneath the surface
Those parts of me
have yet to be discovered
Two glasses deep
merlot to blur my senses
Keep me warm
Come out
Come out of the rabbit hole
Times up
There's no use in going down
Come out
Come out of the rabbithole
Times up
Not going down
[Chorus]
Indigo
You make me feel so low
You're such a bitter taste
Won't you just go away
Indigo
Let's set the record straight
I need you far away, far away
Letting you go
Indigo (x3)
I'm fighting through
there're so many temptations
Hard to undo
what once was second nature
I'm breaking ground
Unsure, but I am certain
I'm worth more
I'm out
I'm out of the rabbit hole
Times now
There's no use in going down
I'm out
I'm out of the rabbithole
Times now
Not going down
[Chorus]
Indigo, you tried to drag me back
But I don't need your high
I'm out
I'm out
I'm out
Of the rabbithole
[Chorus]
___________________________________________________
MY MIND
I can carry weight up high
I can put it on my shoulders
Feeling empty all the time
Now the ground is getting closer
I keep on moving
I’m stuck in the mud
Oh, I’m losing my humanity
I keep composure
But I’m getting over
Questioning my sanity
[Chorus]
It’s just me and my
Mind
Can’t
Find
A way out
It’s just me and my
Mind
Can’t
Stand
The shameful
Sound
It’s just me and my mind, just me and my, just me and my mind
Wish that I could get away
Or at least just take a moment
Before I open up the gates
Try to move (and) end up frozen
I keep on moving
I’m stuck in the mud
Oh, I’m losing my humanity
I keep composure
But I’m getting over
Questioning my sanity
[Chorus]
It’s just me and my
___________________________________________________
SOCIAL ANXIETY
I can feel their eyes fixated on me
Feasting on my social anxiety
Black and white there is no in between
Not when you are living with this disease
[Pre-Chorus]
Toss the diagnosis around like it’s for fun
Wouldn’t joke if you were really feeling anxious
Now I’m lashing out and I can feel it turning
Into something dark and I’m trying to unlearn
[Chorus]
This pattern, this small sin, this minor transgression
I'm not one to blame it on my illness
So I’ll keep working,
So I’ll keep working on me
More patience, more practice, more therapy sessions
I'm not one to blame it on my illness
So I’ll keep working
So I’ll keep working on me
Without warning I’m feeling impulsive
Insecure, and a little bit hostile
No crime but I am still the culprit
Too many times I've been asking for forgiveness
[Pre-Chorus]
[Chorus]
___________________________________________________
Waves
Feel it under my skin
The sensation rushes in
Notice the tension it brings
And the urge to resist
Wish I could settle it down
Or at least know what it's about
All I can do is feel it
Feel it out
I labeled it anger
Called it by name, took it's power
Won't prevent the hurt
But lessens the crash to the shore
Helps me to settle it down
It's still flowing through me now
All I can do is feel it
Feel it out
[Pre-Chorus]
Living through waves
Moving through stages
Always comes back, it comes back around
Learning to ride it out to sea
Letting it wash all over me
[Chorus]
Living through waves(x4)
I keep losing interest
Trying to maintain this relationship
I've just been given
And it's making me sick
Wish we could balance it all
Getting tired of the falls
All we can do is feel it
Feel it out
[PRE-CHORUS]
[CHORUS]
___________________________________________________
LOVELY
Take a step down sir
Stop talking so loudly
You've had you time and
taken up mine now
you see the stone crumbling
Pedestal falling
You're nobodies idol
Do you get it yet?
You preach of your honor
Where the fuck is it on ya
When you hit the ground see
it's harder at the bottom
We crawl our way up
Building in spite
of everyone
Can we get there yet?
[Chorus]
I am not your little lady
I am so much more than lovely
Fear me, hate me, call me crazy
You won't break me
(x2)
We keep moving forward
It's coming in waves now
You call it progress
Then proceed to oppress
You question our motives
Try to make us lose focus
of what the real goal is
Is it our time yet?
[CHORUS]
___________________________________________________
FAKE IT
Never thought I would go that far
Got doubt inside of this body
One identity crisis after another
Call it a lack of self-love
Too much childhood trauma
Am I really fucked up or can I blame it on my mother
[Pre-Chorus]
Hard to make a living
When you don't believe you
deserve to be alive
Easier make believing
You're someone else to stay alive
[Chorus]
Fake it
Till you make it happen
Take this life into your own hands
This could be your one chance
Fake it till you make it
Fake it - you just might make it (x2)
This may sound like bad advice
But I checked it with my therapist twice
Sometimes the trick to life is doing it regardless
So go ‘ head get it now
Let us quit talkin’ bout it
The truth is if you fail, it will be harmless
[PRE-CHORUS]
[CHORUS]
___________________________________________________
Casual Breakup
I hate that I can't text you on a bad day
Yours or mine
I want to make it better, say it's okay
I've been crying to babe
But just because we knew right from the start
This would end
I'm still sitting here caught off guard
Grieving losing my friend
[Chorus]
No, that doesn't make it easier
No, we weren't in love
Yeah, I still wanna be with her
Fuck a casual breakup
No, nothing makes this easier
It would never be enough
But I still wanna be with her
Fuck a casual breakup
We only ever talk about the pressure to commit for life
Relationships are more than just for marriage
They can be anything you like
I may have never met your parents
Yeah, you never took me home
But all these times with you I'll cherish
Even now that we are done
[CHORUS]x2
Fuck a casual breakup
___________________________________________________
Think You Are
I know I need sleep
I know I need peace
Although both those concepts are foreign to me
Let's make believe
that they can be
Reality is cold
This story is old
Recovery is a wave washing over me
To the other side of sober
I just wish that I had told her
It's gonna feel like you failed
Like you didn't accomplish anything
It's gonna feel like you never made the choice
But here you are being told
How fucking strong we all think you are
How fucking strong we all think you are
How fucking strong we all think you are
How fucking strong we all think you are
She is at peace
She always get sleep
Somehow finds time to take care of her needs
She is more free than I'll ever be.
My story is old
I lost long ago
Chose to give up instead of pushing forward
To the other side of sober
I just wish that I had known, yeah
It's gonna feel like you failed
Like you didn't accomplish anything
It's gonna feel like you never made the choice
But here you are being told
CHORUS (x2)
___________________________________________________
GRIEVING
I've been fighting against it
I feel the seasons changing
Isn't this what I always wanted
To get out of the dark days
I'm not allowed to miss this
My work can't be for nothing
Is it okay to feel this way
or should I be ashamed
[Chorus]
There's something about it
There's something about it I'm grieving
There's something about it
There's something about it I'm grieving
The damage was serious
But it was still familiar
Am I the only one who finds
Comfort in pain
[CHORUS]
When you're in that place
Feeling everything at once
Don't let it go to waste
Even good things lose their taste
[CHORUS]
___________________________________________________
Indigo
Uncover me
there's miles beneath the surface
Those parts of me
have yet to be discovered
Two glasses deep
merlot to blur my senses
Keep me warm
Come out
Come out of the rabbit hole
Times up
There's no use in going down
Come out
Come out of the rabbithole
Times up
Not going down
Indigo
You make me feel so low
You're such a bitter taste
Won't you just go away
Indigo
Let's set the record straight
I need you far away, far away
Letting you go
Indigo (x3)
I'm fighting through
there're so many temptations
Hard to undo
what once was second nature
I'm breaking ground
Unsure, but I am certain
I'm worth more
I'm out
I'm out of the rabbit hole
Times now
There's no use in going down
I'm out
I'm out of the rabbithole
Times now
Not going down
CHORUS
Indigo, you tried to drag me back
But I don't need your high
I'm out
I'm out
I'm out
Of the rabbithole
CHORUS
___________________________________________________
Free Fall
There goes her body
She moves like a mystery
I know she sees me
but she is only making time for him
I got a feeling
she knows what I’m thinking
but I’ll just keep drinking
cause she can’t keep her hands off of him
And when he leaves first
how could he leave her
cause every imperfect
thing about her makes her who she is
I’ll still be here though
I’ll take it real slow
Don’t have to be more
Than whatever we decide this is
This is exciting
This is new
This is a moment in time made for me and you
We are an encore
We are unresolved
We are the moment right before the free fall
She’s got such soft lips
No don’t get me started
It keeps getting harder
to pretend like there’s nothing going on
But with each little touch
I hope it’s just enough
To call this some kind of love
And take a chance to see what’s going on
CHORUS
There goes her body
She moves like a mystery
I know she sees me
___________________________________________________
Crowded
Guess I should thank you for ending it when you did
I'd had enough but I didn't know when to call it quits
I knew at the time it was for the best that you left
But I can't leave it all unsaid
It takes two, and three's company
Not for you
cause you found her while you still had me
Crowded
Till you need more space
Drowning
but you can't be saved
Lost it right where you found it
Meant it the way it sounded
Sometimes it just gets crowded
No way to get around it
Don't need to talk about it
Sometimes it just gets crowded
Crowded
When you first met hre I shoulda known
you were gonna go
Something was different in you smile,
the way you spoke
Just a matter of time till the room got small
you were against the wall
You made your call
Chose wrong
It takes two, and three's company
We don't need you
So be on your way
CHORUS(x2)
It takes two, and three's company
We don't need you to stay
___________________________________________________
Baggage
Frank Sinatra started crooning at us from the radio
You got quiet, as My Funny Valentine came on you froze
I've got baggage too, but I don't try to hide it
All I ask of you is not to be closed minded
When the sun came out we packed up all our things and when upstate
In your summer house I found that box, labeled with her name
I've got baggage too, but mine's out in the open
All I ask of you is just to let me know when
you are ready
I know it's heavy
Let me help, please
Everyone has baggage
Would you like to hear what mine is
It doesn't really matter
As long as someone helps carry the load
Everyone has baggage
All a little psychopathic
The only thing that matters is
no one should have to carry it alone
Baggage
B-B-Baggage
Would you like to hear what mine is
Baggage
B-B-Baggage
M-M-Mine is
You don't talk about your family
they're not the ones you'd choose
After years of all those foolish fights
you knew you'd always lose
I've got baggage too
and I can handle crazy
All I ask of you is one day to say maybe
you are ready
I know it's heavy
Let me help, please
CHORUS
Don't carry it alone
No, don't carry it alone
Don't carry it alone
No, don't carry it alone
(x2)
___________________________________________________
GODDESS
Thought I’d gone through the list in my head of the things that I did wrong
If I could just pinpoint the time and the place
Maybe that would erase all the fucked up things you said
I convinced every memory of us your intentions were good
Imagined a world in which they were
Maybe that would explain why I feel like I missed out
[Pre-Chorus]
You got the better of me
I lost the best of me
But you were worse for me
[Chorus]
I am a Goddess
I deserve flawless
Not someone heartless
Who can’t make time
I am a Goddess
I’ll work my hardest
Find the right partner
And if not I’m fine
No I don’t mind
When you left, I relapsed in my room empty bottles on the floor
Then awoke the next morning and forgot
Only just for a moment how you broke my fucking heart
I regret that a person like you could make me feel so weak
I intend not to make that mistake again
I will find my strength
[PRE-CHORUS]
[CHORUS]
Don’t need nobody
To be somebody
[CHORUS]
___________________________________________________
Isabella
I didn't know much
I didn't talk much
But the freckles on her skin were a library
The way she taught me
She saw right through me
But her eyes made me feel like I was stargazing
Into the night sky
Oooh
Isabella
Can't you tell I
Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad for you
(x2)
We watched a movie
Some stupid movie
I couldn't summarize the story if I wanted to
Not with her right hand
Next to my left hand
My teenage heart daring me to start something new
But she never wanted to
[Chorus]
___________________________________________________
HOW CAN I
(They say) At the end of the day we are so much smaller
So how do I feel bigger
(They say) Ain't the time or place for all these questions
Why can't you just make it on your own
(They say) All you need is you in the room when it's time to prove you're
In it for the long haul and I say
All you need is you in the room to break through
[Chorus]
(They say) How can you possibly love somebody else until you love yourself
But how can I, how can I, how can I, how can I, how can I, how can I
(They say) How can you possibly love somebody else until you love yourself
So how can I, how can I, how can I, how can I, how can I, how can I
(They say) It takes more than a day to break a habit
So how do I do it
(They say) If you just meditate you'll find peace and quiet
But my mind just won't shut up for a while
(They say) To be the best version of the person beneath the surface
You gotta have a little faith
That the best version of that person can break through
[CHORUS]
I will remake myself, I will ask for your help
I will find you, I will find you
I will crawl inside my mind, I will get there with some time
I will find you, I will find you
[CHORUS]
___________________________________________________
More Or Less
Less is breaking down about something
Less is feeling the weight of the world
But more, more is you and me
Dancing round in the kitchen to nothing
Less is losing the fight with depression
Less is facing the battle alone
But more, more is you and me
Arming ourselves with various weapons
You and me, you and me, you and me are the more
You and me, you and me, you and me are the more
More is fixing the cracks in foundation
More is teaching the soil to grow
And more, more is you and me
Wrapped in blankets in comfortable safety
[Chorus] (x2)
If you ask me if I'm happy
I will tell you more or less
(x4)
[Chorus]
___________________________________________________
Gray Again - Extended
POEM:
There's no way to know how your body will react to these medications
For me, the first few did nothing.
After a parade of wildly unpleasant side effects
we found it.
The 'perfect fix.'
A couple weeks in and I started to feel,
better?
Normal?
Definitely less anxious
possibly just more depressed.
Was I feeling less on edge
or was I just feeling less?
I didn't want to die anymore.
Well…
I guess that's not true
I actually just stopped wanting to kill myself
Okay…
That's not true either.
Really
I guess there wasn't anything within arms reach of the couch that could kill me
and I couldn't find the motivation to get up
SONG:
The doctor perscribed me, what he described was a calculated algorithm determining which kind of crazy
I happened to be but never did he say that every pill would slightly chill this fire burning deep down inside me
I trusted his judgment, accepted the punishment for crimes against society please someone come cure me
The doctor reminds me, we're running low on time we need to reach a good conclusion
Give me my medicine
Turn the blues gray again
Give me my medicine
Turn the blues gray again
Gray again
Well after some time I still wanted to die, he encouraged me to find religion, said faith leads to true salvation
So I prayed to his God and I lied about progress while slowly sinking underneath the waves crashing down around me
I felt myself fading, the treatment deflating, smile he is saving me there is nothing better
The doctor reminds me, we're running low on time we need to reach a good conclusion
[Chorus]
POEM:
A-motivational syndrome,
Apathy syndrome,
Antidepressant apathy syndrome;
it's called a lot of different things by a couple different people.
Mostly because there haven't even been enough studies
to decide on the proper name.
The doctor's perfect fix didn't just take away the bad.
It took away the good, and the exciting.
It took away the subtlety and nuance
I felt myself fading
Everything became nothing.
Neutral became everything.
I felt…empty
Numb
Muted
gray.
___________________________________________________
Static
It's when you can't get out of bed
It's when you just can't lift your head
It's the breaking down
It's all those songs you didn't write
It's giving up on good advice without reason
Sometimes life passes by like a movie
And I keep watching things happen to me from the audience
I tried to change the television channel
But all I got was static
Static
Static
It's when you flake on plans with friends
It's when you start to depend on your one man show
It's when all you see is black
Even sunny days are lacking something
[Chorus]
I'm so tired of this, I'm so tired of this
Static
I'm so tired of this, I'm so tired of this
Static
(X2)
It's when you can't get out of bed
It's when you just can't lift your head
It's the breaking down
Then We Do
Gracie gave her teens to a boy who'd come and go
Said she was gonna marry him one day
But he liked to watch the other girls go flaunting by
She'd stand by his side, but oh how she cried
Gracie went to college to learn all kinda of knowledge
Said he was gonna visit her one day
But he found himself another girl to pass the time
Told sweet Gracie goodbye, and oh how she cried
[Chorus]
Where do I go now, now that my love is gone
Oh she cried
What can I do now, I'll never move on
But Gracie,
We all think we can't love again
And then we do
Then we do
Then we do
Then we do
Henry gave half his life to a temperamental wife
He met in college the third day
She laughed at all his stupid jokes, most of the time
And always challenged his mind, but oh how she cried
Henry had a couple kids with that wife of his
She grew unhappier each day
And when the kids were gone she packed her things
Told sweet Henry goodbye, and oh how he cried
[Chorus]
If you fall on troubled times don't run and hide
You might miss the reason why
We all fall on troubled times, we stay and fight
We find a reason why
If you fall on troubled times don't run and hide
You might miss the reason why
We all fall on troubled times, we stay and fight
We find a reason why
So don't cry
Where do go now, now that my love is gone
So don't cry
You have so much to do now just know you'll move on
We all think we can't love again
And then we do
Then we do
Then we do
Then we do
___________________________________________________
Call Me Chameleon
I heard he liked to smoke so I bought a pack of Marlboros, and couldn't sleep for a week
Then one night we got drunk, I went outside and there he was, smoking all alone
So I said, "do you have a light?
And can I stand with you?"
[Chorus]
Call me Chameleon
Cause I can't find my own name
Call me Chameleon
And I'll crawl into your bed
Break a heart, change again, someone new,
Hey whats up?
Call me Chameleon
She said good music died when 1980 came around, and Joni Mitchell was God
So I changed my iTunes library so that she would think well of me, and let me have her heart
My next girlfriend burned me 10 CDs all within the first two weeks,
Never any music before the 90s
[Chorus]
I've been a tomboy, I've worn dresses everyday
Didn't wear purple cause he didn't like it
Went from only top shelf whiskey, to whichever beer was cheaper
Until the guy who only drank wine
How many colors will I try?
Is any of me really mine?
(Chorus x3)
___________________________________________________
Wasted
Regrets I can never change keep splintering my heart,
the shame is bleeding through
And setting it apart from all the other broken parts of
me that came from when I saw you leave
And if I thought that sprinting through the pain
would save these tired lungs from turning blue,
would you agree with me and plunge into uncertainty?
[Chorus]
The past won't break us, let's not change this
We're stronger now than yesterday
I don't care where the blame is, we will be fearless
Won't let this love get wasted
The night before you left I watched the storm roll in,
it lit up the sky with lightening
But I am learning to hear beyond the thunder
and I'm listening for your voice
They say that when it rains, oh it sure does pour
I hate that metaphor
[Chorus]
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be wasted
I had too much, I hardly can taste it
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be faded
I don't want us to, I don't want us to fade
The past broke us so we changed it
We're stronger now cause of yesterday
We don't care where the blame is, we are fearless
The past won't break us, let's not change this
We're stronger now than yesterday
I don't care where the blame is, we will be fearless
Won't let this love
Won't let this love
Won't let this love get wasted
___________________________________________________
One More
Your car was parked outside my house
You flashed your lights waiting for me to come down
But I didn't move, no I didn't move
I replay that afternoon every night in my bed
Wishing I had seen the path that lay ahead
I would have moved, I would have moved
I sank to the floor
And said one more, just one more
I became the floor
For just one more, just one more
One more, one more
(Just one more)
If only you had called me one more time
If only I had left this hunger behind
But I couldn't move, no I couldn't move
I sank to the floor
And said one more, just one more
I became the floor
For just one more, just one more
One more and I'll go out
One more and I'll go out
One more and I'll
Just one more, just one more
One more and I'll
One more
Just one more, one more,
Just one more, more
I couldn’t move
Just one more
I couldn't move
___________________________________________________
Not Tonight
Take the beaches, take the seashells
Take the hermit crabs nipping at my toes
You can have The Beatles, you can have slow dancing
You can have the melodies I made for you
Take all you want to
Leave me heartbreak, leave me lonely
Leave me your gray sweater to sleep in
Leave all you want to
Just not tonight, not tonight
Not tonight
Please not tonight
Throw away my presents, throw away our chances
Throw away the photos of us smiling
You can forget my birthday, you can forget our bodies
You can forget the poetry you wrote for me
Forget all you want to
Just not tonight, not tonight
Not tonight
Please not tonight
Tonight let me hold you, tonight let me show you
How much you are giving away
Oh tonight when you kiss me, feel how you'll miss me
When you walk out that door tomorrow
I know you have to
Just don't take tonight
Don't leave tonight
Don't throw away tonight
Don't forget tonight
Not tonight, not tonight
Not tonight
Please not tonight
Not tonight
___________________________________________________
No Good (Fighting Loving You)
Make me always wonder where you've gone
Every day, I'm away, all I think about is
You never told me when you'd be home
Left my phone back at home, all those calls I
Missed you all damn night
Then I come on home and
All we do is fight
So we sharpen knives push em on through
What good does it do if I can't pull through without you
Oh without you
[Chorus]
Why you wanna go dropping bombs baby can't we just fly?
Why you wanna go picking sides when it's just you and I?
Why do I cut deeper when you keep acting cruel?
When I know that it's no good fighting loving you
(I know that it's no good fighting loving you)
(Youuuuu)
What could I have said that brought this on?
Not the what, not the words, but the way you told me
Nevermind I'm fine there's nothing wrong
That's not true, look at you, how can you say
Everything's alright
When every single night I
Always break down and cry
So we sharpen knives push em on through
What good does it do if I can't pull through without you
Oh without you
[Chorus]
You hold me close though my flaws lie in plain sight
You take me in when there's nowhere left to hide
I would give my life
For you I'd give my life
Why you wanna go dropping bombs baby can't we just fly?
[Chorus]
When I know that it's no good fighting loving you
Youuuu
You, you
___________________________________________________
Kiss Her
The corner of the bar where the light is low
The perfect distance from the radio
She buys him one more drink and moves in closer
And when that song comes on she takes his hand
Goes across the room, they start to dance
She looks him the eyes and moves in closer
Two more shots of Cuervo
Five more inches to go
[Chorus]
Until he pulls the trigger
Leave me now or later
Either way you're still a traitor
So go ahead and kiss her, kiss her, kiss her
Go ahead and kiss her, kiss her, kiss her
He takes her to his room, nothing but one twin bed
They sit on the floor drinking Johnny Red
She pours him one more glass and moves in closer
And when the sun comes up the whiskey's gone
Her laugh infectious, now he is lost
She puts her hand on his and moves in closer
Two more shots of Johnny
Five more inches to go
[Chorus]
Kiss her and don't worry
I won't ask you to stay
So what have you got to lose
Go ahead and kiss her, kiss her, kiss her
Go ahead and kiss her, kiss her, kiss her
(x4)
Two more shots
Five more inches
(x2)
Pull that trigger (kiss her, kiss her, kiss her)
Be a traitor (Go ahead and kiss her, kiss her, kiss her)
Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her
Go ahead and kiss her, kiss her, kiss her
Go ahead and kiss her, kiss her, kiss her (x3)
Go ahead and
___________________________________________________
We Fell
We walked across the earth lay our bodies down
We dreamt ourselves flying up with the clouds
And we fell, oh we fell
I found you hiding amongst the weeds
I cut your roots from out my feet
And you fell, oh you fell
[Chorus]
I trusted you (I trusted you)
I trusted you
Now everything's falling down
I trusted you (I trusted you)
I trusted you
Now everything's falling down
Down ,down, down, down
I searched through the woods found every trace
You thought you'd hid all the lies away
But I uncovered your tracks in the snow
In the snow
[Chorus]
Ooooooooooooh down
Down
We walked across the earth lay our bodies down
___________________________________________________
You Don't Feel It
I thought you were saving me
You've taken so much, take so much of my time
I don't know where to start
It'd almost be easier, almost be easier
If you would just stop
Please just stop
You cause so much damage
It's pretty scary how, pretty scary how you make them dance
Like puppets
But you're right inside your head
There's nothing I can say
[Chorus]
You don't feel it
I loved you
You don't feel it
I loved you
I can't show weakness
You'll just say anything, say anything for me to change my mind
I'm just so goddamn tired of
thinking of you better than you are
Ohh
But you're right inside your head
There's nothing I can say
[Chorus]
Go away
Go away, I don't want you anymore
I don't want you anymore
Go away,
I don't I don't want you, I don't I don't want you
(I don't want you anymore)(Go away)
I don't want you
Go away, go,
go away, go,
go away
[Chorus]
I loved you, I loved you I loved you,
I loved you
I loved you
___________________________________________________
Not Your Nashville
Headed down to the city
Yeah I'm gonna make my way
And I know you're bound to see me
But guess what I'm here to stay (ayyy)
If you find me at the same bar
Go ahead and leave cause I'm there
I know I broke your heart in pieces
But I really just don't care (ayyy)
[Chorus]
This is not, this is not your Nashville
This is not, this is not your Nashville
Anymore, anymore
Tell your friends all our stories
Tell 'em I got you so low
But I dare you not to join them
When they all come to my show (ohhh)
[Chorus]
I know you tried to build this city without my name
But baby I am just trying to do the same
[Chorus]
___________________________________________________
That Love
I want a love where apologies come as naturally as a soft kiss goodnight
Cause the best of us fall short sometimes
Give me that love that transcends the mind, gets me high sometimes
And holds me hard to sleep
I want a man who loves easily, unconditionally, like breathing in air
Thinks the moon shines in my eyes
Give me that man who ignites my soul, helps me fly sometimes
And is my place to land
[Chorus]
Ain't it funny
These dreams of mine aren't fantasies
I am grounded in reality
Just want another heart to feel like home
While venturing the unknown
Give me that love
Give me that love
He might go far across galaxies of uncertainties, discovering his plan
While I'm on journeys of my own
I will go far from the place I was when we first embraced
And still he'll love me hard
Sometimes it's tough when the world throws so many things at love to force it to break
Most of us want to quit sometimes
I will be tough, make my muscles strong, train them everyday
And hold this head up high
[Chorus]
___________________________________________________